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Post by Force_Flow on Nov 23, 2006 22:27:21 GMT -4
What to do when you're bored beyond belief.. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Pay your electric bill in pennies.
Drive to work in reverse.
Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
Tell you boss to "blow it out your mule" and let him figure it out.
Polish your car with earwax.
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
Braid the hairs in each nostril.
Write a short story using alphabet soup.
Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.
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Post by Force_Flow on Nov 23, 2006 22:30:10 GMT -4
The Sick Cow This farmer had a sick cow, and the vet prescribed a daily suppository. The farmer's method for administering the prescription was to insert an aluminum tube into the cow's rear and blow the suppository in.
One day the farmer was too sick to attend his cow, so he asked his hired hand to take care of the cow. The hired hand took the tube, and turned it around before he blew the supository into the cow.
The farmer's horrified wife, who was standing nearby watching, asked the hired hand why he had turned the tube in the cow's rear around.
He exclaimed "What! Should I have put it from your husband's mouth into mine?!"
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11 Things To Do In A Supermarket 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms, randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
4. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers "I'll only invite you in if you bring pillows from the bedding department!".
5. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?".
6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
7. While handling knives in the housewares department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
8. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.
9. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "Pick me! Pick me!"
10. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again".
11. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!".
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Student and Professor A student comes to a young professor's office after hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"
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Post by Force_Flow on Nov 23, 2006 22:30:47 GMT -4
Mud Bath A man goes into his doctor's office for an annual physical. After awhile, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition that only allows you another six weeks to live."
"But doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly, Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt."
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Post by Force_Flow on Nov 23, 2006 22:36:09 GMT -4
Voices! Voices! Shut up!
A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, "I can hear voices!" Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, "Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!"
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Post by Force_Flow on Nov 23, 2006 22:37:55 GMT -4
For a hundred bucks A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?" "No, he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" "No, come in." They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
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darthnotrevan
Commander
[M:0]
Your official House: M.D./ KotOR nut [H:2]
Posts: 346
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Post by darthnotrevan on Dec 9, 2006 1:24:53 GMT -4
lol, those are pretty funny! ;D
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Post by Force_Flow on Dec 17, 2006 19:26:26 GMT -4
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Jake
Recruit
[M:1925]
What does the world have against me?
Posts: 27
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Post by Jake on Dec 17, 2006 19:38:01 GMT -4
Oh god! Not that again! You already P.M.ed me the link to that! That wasn't so funny. It was more of, how can I put this, not right.
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Post by Ambika on Jun 29, 2007 16:27:23 GMT -4
ROTFL! Wow that's interesting *chuckles*
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